When she wraps her arms around me

I had to delete it, but...

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 01:52:31 GMT

I love when chicks post sweet sexy nothings on my fb wall. To the sex.

taking a break

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 00:42:28 GMT

to breathe.

My days have been too quick, and my heartbeat now is rushing and rushing with the inertia of a freshly-pausing me. I feel the tension brimming, then sloshing over my heart and into my chest, compressing me with imploding weight.

I breathe, and try to push it out of me in controlled, confident breaths. "Release. You have no purpose here any more. It is said, it is done, and I have won. You are a remnant of a time passed. No purpose."

Every once in a while it's gone. I can't imagine why it would stick around, and I wonder, too introspective, if there's something bothering me. Not that I know of.

I need to read. I need to work out. I need to make good use of myself, and become strong enough to lift anything I'd want to with ease. I need to learn all the things that will come in handy along my travels. I need to become useful to this world. All this time, I've been racking up points: an education, scholarship, skillzz, and now this degree that in its dealing sets me free. I need to go spend some of those points. "I promise, if you give me time, I'll come back to you as worthwhile a being as you ever did see. I will serve you, and I will be yours to put to the task." Now that time is gone, and the task hasn't come into focus.

I miss my guitar. I miss it so much. I miss my place in Marquette, and want to play Guitar Hero, which I just purchased for myself as a graduation present. Florida isn't home any more, even if the weather is priceless, warm and cool and fresh and sunny. In the thick of December, what's more. I love it. But this place, my mom's is no longer home. She is too much a mother. Too hoarding, stuck in her ways, controlling, doting. Leave me be, please, for just a minute! Silence serves us so well, sometimes, please don't forget.

But it's been alright. We'll see how this hawk goes over, and three more weeks besides this one to drive me madder than a hatter. Boy oh boy, was it a bad call to leave Marquette so quickly, in the haste of arrangements made in the thick of depressed and clinging, bereaving vengeance.

(I had promised Dani I'd spend this birthday with her, when she and I were still together, if she promised to make this one better than the last. So when all the rest went down, I tore all possibilities of making her happy with my presence into shards.) And here I am, further from the one I now call my girl, more quickly than I would have it.

Such is life. I need air from all that business as it is. Like always, things are going too quickly in my heart, and with the newfound opportunities of sharing freedom and love, why not at least try it on for size. As long as I don't think of her with another, I'm square. Blegh to silliness. Blegh to my inability to bear space with grace and my usual coolness.

Lovin' the hawk. Lovin' the stares. Lovin' how it makes me more comfortable being kind, as my presentation is now a bit harder. Here's to my old man being able to bite the bullet. His birthday is coming up on Tuesday.

Worked out today, and killed every muscle worth killing. My back, my abs, my arms, my shoulders, my neck, my glutes, they ACHE. It feels delicious. It had been too long. Gotta be able to throw women and heavy items around with a bit more ease before I'm happy with my lot. So here's to it!

Alright, it's all out, I think. Faretheewell.

so...

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:35:10 GMT

how do you hit on women so they know you think they're pretty and whatnot but you don't just want to hop in bed with them, you actually want to get to know them and stuff?

Without being way too intense. I'm going for funny, charming, sweet, here.

God help me. I am way too serious.

I also catch way too many crabs in crew and today it really killed my elbow.

I think I forgot to post this before...

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:09:48 GMT

7/17/09

So here I am, my first time camping alone. All’s going well so far, aside from being slightly disillusioned with friends. Oh well, I am happy to have my alone time. Not to mention I am a little scared being out here in the woods all alone. Bla bla, you know. I’m not concerned, because I have a knife next to me. And I have taken other precautions. But I don’t know why someone would stumble upon me. Dinner was good, the fire started quickly. I hope for the same tomorrow, since I was silly enough to leave all the firestarters and wood outside. Might be a little damp tomorrow, but maybe not. Nonetheless, I have food that doesn’t need to be cooked, so I should be alright. I am a little scared of bears, I’ll admit. LOL
I can hear people wooing at Hiawatha. Maybe I would go to hear the music if I knew who was playing and had a flashlight, since I’m so far away from the designated campsite, but I’m not really interested. I just chose today because there’d be a lot of people around if I needed them. And the music sounds fine from here. The night is much less interesting than the day, and darned if I’m not already tired at 11:30p. But I have been walking all day. I got in, got my wristband, found my campsite.
They were already out of tent spots or whatever they are, and the lady who sold me my wristband asked me like three times to make sure I wasn’t going to set up a tent. But I lied mwa ha. Instead I just walked way away, set my stuff up on the mountain ROTC uses for balaying or whatever the word is. Walked through the woods to find a parking spot closer to my campsite. Found a little drive that cops must use, and drove my car there and brought in the rest of my stuff, cooler and such.
Set up my tent and bag, grabbed firewood, grabbed stones to create a ring, took some pictures, hiked around, met some friends and random kids from Marquette that were really cool. They took me and whoever else was brave enough through these crevice caves in a rock mountain nearby. It was fucking awesome and exhilarating and damn scary, I’ll admit. Okay, it is bed time. Good night!

chary is the word of the day.

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 14:43:45 GMT

Back and forth.

Joining crew. Went to "tryouts" yesterday and performed the swim test, watched a silly rowing safety video, then learned soon-to-be-proper technique.

Miracle Whip really needs to stop peddling its product to the 18-24 crowd. Their commercials do not make one bit of sense. Miracle Whip =/= Rebellious
Man, organizations need to lose some love for their products.

I am so hungry. Work from 8a-4p, and I felt way too nauseous this morning to eat. It's because Dani slept at Jay's house. I wish she would just chill the eff out on this whole situation, but I suppose I couldn't slow down either, when I was more immature. *sigh* Just sucks to be involved in it. I keep fantasizing about fighting her. We watched Ellen do stand up last night, though, before she dipped. It was a good time.

Other cool things aside from crew (hopefully the weather clears up here so we can hit the water today and tomorrow), are Radio X dj-ship, and TAing for PY 100. I prepped yesterday for my radio show, so whenever I get trained in enough to play my own (non-cursing) music, I'll be ready. Tossed some good songs in a playlist. I need to get music from SayJay, though. She's got such good taste in music. *tear for all my lost music*

So friggin' tired. I slept with the mitten-kitten, Dori, last night. She is not the calmest bedmate, and jumped on my head and played with my hands a lot. When she's been playing out in the house, she will NOT stay out of Puck's cage, which is a pain because Puck needs his space. They've been playing well, out in the living room and such. Nonetheless, a bunny needs his space.

So sleepy. I hope the weather clears up. I want to grill out, and I want to hit the water.

Ooh! And cross your fingers for me! Eddie and I are planning on roadtripping downstate to visit her Holland hometown, and potentially to also visit Ms. OMFGI<3UErin. I would be so freaking happy to see her beautiful face and that awesome smile and her dreamy eyes. Whoa, just thinking about her and imagining her has lifted my spirits. Very nice.

I need to think of some nice presents to get her. I know she likes creative, natural things, and tea, and is vegetarian. Maybe a book and one or two other thingys? I dunno, God. Just thinking about giving her a present makes me feel so embarassed-shy-awkward. Like some little kid with a crush on her kindergarten teacher. I just have no idea how to approach her with my liking. The lust isn't a problem, but man.

Eddie says I should be careful, because Erin isn't looking for a relationship. Not that I'm trying to shove her into a relationship box, but I call bs on that. From what I've heard Erin, she's still heartbroken, and I respect that, and she wants to be free because she has a problem with dependency, and I respect that too.
I told Eddie how I felt and she seemed kind of touched: "You really care about her, don't you?" "YES!"
I mean, I just called her eyes "dreamy." Wtf, Ray?
I really can't foresee any problems with just getting to know each other. Aside that we may become attached. But I'll try and hold it back, and should that happen we certainly live far enough from each other to have our own lives. Here's hopin', folks!

Life can certainly be a piece of shit when you have them in your life.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 02:42:06 GMT

Back from WI, then FL.

Noteworthy:

1) Went to visit Dani's grandparents on her father's side. We met them at the home of Odin's aunt and uncle. It was good to see Odin, and I laugh to think of all the feminine activities that interest him (he's addicted to the vacuum cleaner). I also met Danielle's father around a dinner table of delicious food. While he made some secret comment at my expense to his girlfriend, he and I got along relatively well in time.
Dani and I stayed at her grandparent's house and walked, smoked, helped her grandfather around the farm, and fell in love with two little kittens. I couldn't choose between them and didn't want two cats, but Dani could, so she chose the little tortoise-y one, Dori, now named Dinah, from Alice in Wonderland.
2) Went to visit Dani's family on her Mom's side. I met her Mom, and her aunt Becky, and learned Sheep's Head, which is a card game similar to Euchre. We had a birthday party for Dani's dying grandmother, Doreen, hooked up to breathing machines in a hospital.
We went to the hospital and it was pretty emotional. Nobody knew what was best, and I pretty much was there as a shoulder and an actor-observer. Doreen's sister told me I was the best thing that ever happened to Dani. I secretly chuckled to myself that no one would ever say that to me about Dani. Even if it was just a sweet, mostly unfounded compliment.
Dani and I stayed at her Aunt Becky's, who was very nice to have us. I chilled with Dani's sisters, who are good kids. I like them a lot. Becky has two crazy flipping dogs that would not leave the kitten alone. Never before have I wanted to injure a dog so much. But I didn't. I tried for hours my Cesar Milan shit, but nothing. They're just way anxious.
Getting into her Aunt's house, we had been driving all over the place and I needed some structure. Dani wanted to pick up groceries, so we got in the car and asked her to tell me what kinds of things we should get. She didn't know, and then told me she didn't know where the grocery store was, so things escalated pretty quickly. I was about to drive to FL on my own. Why did I flip out? I dunno. I just felt so annoyed that she couldn't tell me one damn thing for the list, couldn't make it any easier and we'd been driving back and forth between her aunt's and the hospital and her grandma's house and her other grandparent's house, it was just too crazy. I told her to get outta the car and I went to WalMart and got some groceries.
Dani and I slept in Becky's daughter's room. We thought about shagging there, surrounded by all those Biblical quotes, but as per usual, it didn't happen.
3) Drove to bumfuck Mouseton or whatever it's called to visit Odin and his family. Matt built this awesome house with his own hands, and it's just freaking spectacular. Dani and I played cards with Matt and Bridget's father. Bridget showed us the tour and tons of photos of Odin, and made some awkward comments about Odin being an ugly baby. But well... I guess he was *shrug*. Dani tells me she wants me to build her a house (cue to sucking my now-former best guy friend's schlong less than a few weeks later. What a piece of work, eh?)
4) Went back to her grandparents' farm and stayed there for some time. It was awesome fun, and they fed me well and loved me and it was great. Dani and I enjoyed the sauna her father had built in his youth. It's a small little sauna, but nice.
5) Drove to FL and made it in 2 days. Dani helped driving, which was great, and truly without a hitch. The kitten was pretty good in the car, too, and cute as ever. As we got into FL we had our first sexual encounter in some time.
6) We stopped at Carrie's for two days, and that was sweet stuff. As soon as we got there and settled down Dani started crying. But that made sense. Her grandmother was dying, our relationship has been ending for a couple of months, so... life's not easy. But we chilled out with Carrie and Jacob, watched I Love You, Man, met up with my little sister, ate awesome sushi, chilled out by the pool and just defragged. Also shagged awesome at Carrie's, thanks Care for letting us take your bed.
7) Continued driving down and made it to my mom's. It was pleasant enough for a bit, and I went to visit Luis, pieceofshitFrank, jammed out with Luis a bit, drove all over trying to get hooked up. Was a little nervous about playing the electric, since it'd been like... two years? Shit. It was good fun, though, and now that I've played a few times I remember how it works. Taught our hookup and also pieceofshitFrank a few chords, which was pretty fun, though I was a bit awked out at teaching a hookup something. You just don't correct a hookup on their hand position, you know? Still, an experience. Luis tried to teach me some drums, and that was mostly a failure, unfortunately. Left my shoes at his place, drove home and dropped off pieceofshitFrank. Dani and I enjoyed going to the pool nearly every day and worked up quite a tan and just played a lot. It was good times.
8) Chilled out with Emilie a couple of times. Each time I did she stayed with Frank, which was cool by me. I was happy they got along, since I'm glad to see Dani make friends. My intentions started out well enough with Em. I was concerned because she had told me she was having some girlfriend problems and issues with usage. So I stop by and we talk a bit, and she asks me about Dani and I enlighten her concerning Dani and I having called it quits. So she's all over me, and we make out a bit and that's awesome fun. Dani calls me at 3 so I leave and pick her up from Frank's and we head home. I promise Em we'd shag, since we've been dying to for like... over 5 years now. So she sends me all these awesome randy messages, and we go out the next weekend after a little minigolf to celebrate a few days after Dani's bday (I won at minigolf, PS, whooped nevermakeanythingofhimselfFrank pretty badly).
So Em and I go out for some sushi, and the night all in all goes well. We meet some friends of hers, then just she and I chill out on the beach, ran around a playground, got lost trying to get to the car. All in all a good time, until she and I got back to her place. We were making out, but then she started acting strangely since she (unbeknownst to me) had taken some stuff prior to us going out. Kinda ruined it, so I wished her well and peaced out.
9) Visited my dad and Elyn. Carrie came down, Dad and I cleaned up the Nissan. Dad and Elyn were really awesome to Dani and I, and made sure to have grub that she liked. The days were mostly calm, with Dani acting a bit sensitive and on-edge, but again, her grandma was dying so I tried not to let it get to me. Mostly just turned the other cheek and played with the dog or kitten. We drove back to Mom's on Dani's bday, and Dad had just been stressing me out mad, so I was in no mood. Dani always gets these really high expectations for her birthday celebration that are kinda... abstract. Like, she doesn't know what she'd want to do, but she wants it to be earth-shattering. So that left me with nothing, and I took her out for 'zza and a beer.
That weekend Ma took us out to a spa and then to Dolphin Mall. Dani bought shoes for her costume, and I finally got some dress-cas shoes. It was a really fun day, and the spa was just so freaking relaxing. I felt like a million bucks afterward.
9) Went out to Churchills with JFizzle, Katie, James, Luis, thatkidwhosenameIcan'tremember, pieceofshitFrank, and Dani. On the way I picked up Frank, of course (big mistake), because he doesn't have a car and because I wanted him to come out for my last night in 305. He needs to do some money-things, so in the car I'm feelin' a little weird and I ask Dani if she likes him. She says yes. I ask her if they've ever done anything, and she says no. She says the just get along really well, blablabla. I tell her I'm real happy they get along, truly, but just keep it friends, k? She says of course. So off we go to Churchills, get quite lost, but we get there. Enter some awesome music, a little mosh-skanking with James and thatkidwhosenameIcan'tremember, a little sadness cos Dani and Frank kinda just spent the whole night walking the nearby streets looking for cigs. *Shrug* I mean, her grandma had just died the day before, so it made sense. We stayed a bit later then I had wanted (I had to wake up early) since they had seen nearly none of the music, but we dipped out at about 1:30, which was the last set I'm pretty sure. Dani still wanted to party, so when we dropped Frank off outta the car, she told me I had nothing to worry about but that she wanted to chill with him that evening. I told her that sounded great. Frank wanted to chat, since it was my last night around, so we walked around his block and he told me what an awesome girl he felt Dani was for me, and I told him how I was just heartbroken about what she did and it just wasn't the same any more. He understood. I told him Dani just drove me crazy sometimes, and how she had a crush on him, which annoyed me. He said he knew, and that he figured it was a defense mechanism. I appreciated his insight and knew I could trust him.
Flash forward to the next day. Mom and I wake up early to go do some moneythings, and Dani calls me to pick her up because her dress is getting her "some unwanted attention" as she's walking home. I haul ass to go and save her, and something just ain't right. She reeks of liquor, and smells funny. I tell her so, since I was kinda getting red flags. I ask her what happened between she and Frank and she tells me a bit of their fun evening, but as I press further she sighs:

"When I told you that I didn't have any intentions to do anything with Frank, I was being honest, Rachael. But it just happened."
"You had sex with him?"
"Yes."
"Did you use a condom?"
"Yes."
From there it gets fuzzy with rage. I mean, I didn't really trust her, honestly. I like to, but I really, really trusted Frank. I mean, you don't tell your friend that she and her ex should be together and then go and fuck the ex. It's kinda screwy logic. But I was angry that Danielle lied to me. I called her out bad, told her that she has impulsivity issues and sex issues and is a slut, in my book, a word that, if you know me, you know I haven't ever used until now. But I really think she is. Sluts are people who have sex without thinking of the consequences. I think that fits her to a T. She says she thinks Frank likes her, and wants to keep in touch with him. I curse some more.
I call Frank and tell him to wake his lazy ass up. He's fuzzy on the phone and I tell him I deserve more so he better wake the fuck up.
"Frank, do you love Danielle?"
"Huh? Wha-?"
"Lemme restate. Do you have romantic feelings for Danielle?"
"...No."
"No!" (To Danielle)
"Frank, do you know that friends do not fuck friend's ex girlfriends"
"...Yes."
It was pretty much worthless conversation after that point, and it's not worth quoting such a complete imbecile. He gave me the ol' "Dani's having a hard time right now," like he had such good intentions, only to later text me that it had just been a while since he'd had sex. Pretty much a complete idiot. So I told him to enjoy the rest of his life and that he was dead to me and to lose my number. He called a few times since and wrote his piece in text messages, which pretty much told me he's willing to break a cardinal rule of friendship if "it's been a while," and "it just happened." Dani says they weren't even drunk, not that it matters. I wouldn't expect dogs to act like this, not to mention friends of over five years that have called you their sister, and ex girlfriends that state they want to be good, conscientious people.

So I reamed Danielle, and she had no excuse for her actions aside from that she's willing to say whatever people want and then do whatever she wants and then pretend like it's all gonna be okay. Like that's how decent people act. Prior to the ride up to MI, I let her be, since it was my last day with family and I wouldn't let some idiot woman who doesn't know right from wrong ruin that. I saw my tias, and spoke more Spanish than I knew I knew, and had cafe con leche, and it was really... touching. Just great. Dad told me to be nice to Danielle, since he noticed I wouldn't even look at her stupid ass, and I told him that he didn't understand. He let it alone, mostly, after that.
The only bit that I can accept is when Dani told me she just didn't think (which I could identify with, since I didn't think when I was like... 16, and she clearly has the mind of a 16 year-old), and that having sex with Frank made her able to get over me a bit more. I told her I was happy for that, at least. I mean, when I initiated our breakup process, I knew that I would have to hold back and let her take a few first steps so I wouldn't hurt her by just running off and being a bachelor again. So, I suppose she did. I just wish she had more sense than to choose my former-best guy friend. Not that it matters. Good riddance, in my opinion.

On the drive, I acted reasonably amiable toward Dani. I figured I might as well, since I don't have the ability to yell /that/ much and we were stuck in the car together. I mean, she didn't have the sense to make our trip any easier, but I might as well. So we got home, but I broke on the home stretch a few hours away. The three car issues didn't help my patience, I'm sure, but really, I can tell now that I had just been waiting to explode.
Told her I didn't want her even talking to me on the way back up, that she sucks and that I'm sorry I ever met her. Which I am. I've wasted way too much time and energy on this piece of work. And yea, I love her, and that's what makes it the hardest.
The betrayal of not only an ex-girlfriend, which is fairly normal for their kind, but the betrayal of a close friend is something I've never experienced. Like I said, good riddance, but still... just... disillusioning. I just expect more. I figure I give more than that, and yes, you've gotta expect some disappointments, but not from one of the most annoyingly-logical friends you've got. But, hey. He's a mooch that can't treat women well and won't shut the fuck up about being a bigot. That's all I gotta say.

So we've gotten home, and it's been... on and off. Now she's interested in Jason, but I asked him to please leave her be and he said it wouldn't be a problem. Here's hoping. I can only assume she doesn't know, but she's attempting to fuck my friends in an attempt to both stay in my life and to shove the knife deeper. Oh well, may it be a test for me and the true friends.

</lj>God. Alright, at least it's all written out and I can just forget about it now. I feel better, which is good, since you can't imagine how fucking painful it is to go over all of this. Not to mention that I still haven't wrenched the wench from my heart, with her little soft looks and her old habit of tilting her chin toward me in a habitualized pre-kiss. We haven't touched at all, nor kissed, and I won't, even though just yesterday she rubbed up to me because I looked sexy. Part of me wants to have one last fuck, but part of me doesn't care. It hasn't been worth my time in months.
At least he couldn't make her come, and the head was disappointing. Any ego remains, at least slightly intact. Not the important parts, which naively believe that if you treat people right you'll get the best of them, or the part that can't help but crumble when they let you down, but something. I've been jolted, but I have to just chalk it up to idiots that will be reborn as sardines. For more info on the horribly depressing life of a sardine, read up.

And yes, I left this open to all readers for two reasons, but one primarily: For your eyes, fucker. Karma is yours, sooner or later.

new year and enlightenments abound

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 07:14:16 GMT

These past few days have been, of course, rough. But still, I'm having an awesome time. Went to Churchill's for New Year's. Awesome live music. Made me want to fuckin be one with everyone.

Movie day today. Watched "The Day the Earth Stood Still" with Mom. It was pretty good. I also watched a Joseph Campbell film. High. It made me think.

How many fucking times do I have to install the activex control onto my lappy to upload an freaking album on fb?! Goddamn shitty wireless connection. At least this desky has a good connection.

I'm also listening to the music that Rica gave me. All of her music. Mostly it's been good. I should dl from JFizzle, SJ, and whoever else, really. I do miss the feeling of music being "mine," though. But we're on our way.

Cross your fingers for me.

this gave me a chuckle more than most Onion articles.

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:27:11 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_finally_shitty_enough_to

nice.

an interesting tidbit (en español)

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:08:45 GMT

http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2008/08/17/internacional/1218965045.html

doot doot

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:25:26 GMT

So Harry Potter has been delayed until next summer. My sweetheart is definitely upset over that, but I admit I am a bit as well. Shawn can vouch for my ultra-nerdy anticipation at Harry Potter films. Speaking of Shawn, I must admit I miss that kid.

Work is lame. Duh.

Yesterday we picked up a way mediocre bag, but good times were definitely had last night. It was Adam's last night in town. He's Erica's boyfriend, and he's a pretty cool guy. Even if he is big and occasionally pokes fun at me for being small. I think I could take him.

*snarf*

This week is going to be hellacious if I can't get someone to take part of my shifts. I do not want to work 40+ hours the week before school.

I am excited that I only have to purchase two books this semester. The rest I have. Surprisingly, the school was offering the best price for these books. Maybe I just looked on amazon and half too late, and all the books were taken. *shrug* No harm done.

We've got some new people here on the job. I've been helping them out, which is pretty awesome. Yesterday a noob sat and listened in on my calls to get trained. It was the first time I've actually trained someone. Made me feel like a seasoned veteran here.

*sigh*

I am ready to leave work, though. And eat a ton of delicious food. Hopefully that card gets to me soon. I want delicious foodstuffs.

Which reminds me that I forgot to take Dani out to the Lagniappe yesterday. On Mondays they have a band, I hear. Maybe next Monday, since I won't be working.

dood is nice/ Ah! The hetero-normative paradigm!

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 00:11:59 GMT

Randa, I liked your vid. Awesome.
Shawn, you have an awesome chest. Annnd, I likes your LOLObama. Very nice.

I also liked this little tidbit.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/455262

Yes, I like Da NG.

I'm going home soon. Things have been nice. Erica's moved in. The house is in good enough order. Dani is beautiful.

Things were rough for a little while, but we both decided to just stop in our tracks and take a new path. Started new, and things are well.

Our landlord is still an idiot.

Me- So, is there a key to the front door, because we weren't left one.
Him- Oh, it doesn't have a key. The lock is really old and to replace the key, I'd have to replace the whole door.
Me- ... We need to use that door. It's the front door. That's how we walk to school and class. And to be honest, it has a lot better Q'i to walk through that door into the living room. I like that door.
Him- I'm not going to replace the whole door just to get you a new lock.
Me- Are you serious? There isn't a way you can replace the lock without replacing the door?
Him- Well, maybe I can install a new deadbolt.

Okay.

Him- Oh, about the rabbits. How are you protecting the floor?
Me- Oh, definitely. We have a tarp on the floor, and on top of the tarp we have a carpet.
Him- So there's no way that their pee could get through?
Me- Definitely not, no way.
Him- Alright, well I'm definitely going to be inspecting the room they're in very well.
Me- That's absolutely fine. You are totally welcome.
Him- Oh, and you have to do something about the smell.
Me- Well, we just washed the carpet that they're on, so it's much better. But let me tell you, we're still working on the smell in the house from the last tenants. The whole house smelled like cats and dogs, and there was hair everywhere. The basement is still really kickin', dude.
Him- Well yea, that was the cats. There will be no more cats here, and there probably won't be any more rabbits here after you guys. If it works out, that is.
Me- O_o Well, let me tell you, when we moved in the house smelled pretty bad.

Did I mention Dani found dog crap in the washer? And in a trash can outside?
BLEGH!

Makes me wonder what he charges $400 as a "cleaning fee" for. Yea, I need to talk to him about that.

*sigh* I just need to buy my own fucking house.

It's really pretty in MQT. Sunday was mid-80s and I was just about roasting. There have been a few days of relaxation, and I am appreciative. Leaving work in about half an hour.
Dani and I were also accepted for the Food Assistance Program, so that's pretty awesome. I'm excited to be able to eat awesome, healthy, delicious varieties of food. Oh, and meat!

Also donated plasma for the first time. That was not half bad, and I was amazed to learn a bit about the usefulness of my blood-proteins. I ate beans and an egg and toast and other things for breakfast, but was still starving as hell after the process. None the worse for wear, though. Mom wouldn't be happy if she knew I'd done it, but she doesn't have to know.

I asked her what she thought about it, and she goes off on some craziness about lazy hobos getting my precious fluids. Reminds me of Dr. Strangelove.

listen

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:55:46 GMT

I don't care if you guys think this is weird; I think it's sweet and awesome. My teeth are happy-bunny-chattering.

So's I gets a call at work from a very pleasant old woman. A little ...old and she said she was waaay legally blind.

Anyway, I helped her out a bit and she's calling back tomorrow to see if we have better gas rates available. Hee. But anyway, she said she loved me before she hung up.

I think that's sweet.

termites

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:50:02 GMT

So, Dani told me she's found termites in a couple of books in the house. So, being a good Samaritan, I just contacted our landlord to give them a heads up.

Me- Hi, Denise, it's Rachael.
Her- Hello.
Me- Just wanted to let you know, Dani and I found a couple of termites in our books. I don't know a lot about them, but Dani says they can really get to a house, so I thought I'd let you know.
Her- Oh... do you think the rabbits might have brought them?
Me- O_o Uhm... I don't know very much about termites, but based on my knowledge they eat wood and paper.
Her- Well, we've never had them before, is all. What did you do with them?
Me- (lying and pretty annoyed at this point, as I personally did not find any termites) We killed them.
Her- If you find any more, put them in a jar.
Me- Okay, thanks a lot. Goodbye.
*click*

Maybe she's never heard of termites. Or maybe she wants to milk us for all we're worth. What a strange person. That's the last favor I do my landlords.

soooo

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:42:18 GMT

I am currently reliving Shawn's situation with landlord vs. pets. Thus, Dani and I are looking for a new place. The search is hard, and we miss the bunnies. They are currently at Jason's, which is like a five minute walk. Still, it's hard, and this bs has really made Dani and I hate our previous loveshack.

I guess it's exciting to try and find a new place, but the search is a little dry. There's one hot lead so far, but it's a foreclosure and the landlord needs to do a lot of work. I just hope Dani and I don't end up on somebody's couch for a month. *crosses fingers*

It would be awesome to live with Reeks. I hope that the house is big enough. It is really cute, washer/dryer, even a fireplace. Oooh!

Anyway, wish me luck, guys!

in the life

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:44:49 GMT

a B is completely possible in accounting. That would be nice. Summer classes are easy, though Dani says they're more expensive. I must admit I'm not including myself in the financial aspect.

Not that accounting is easy for everyone, but it's not so bad for me, that's for sure. Not to mention Graci is a darn good prof.

It is beautiful out, but being stuck here at work sucks. I'll write more later, comp is giving me a headache.

has anyone heard about this? Write the GOP, please.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:00:40 GMT

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/17/texas-gop-pin-asks-if-oba_n_107592.html

too much happiness to write out

Sat, 17 May 2008 18:41:36 GMT

Thursday:

Dani and I wake up. She goes to work, I sleep some more, do dishes, play with the buns. They're getting SO big. And beautiful. Dani and I got harness leashes for them, but it'll be a bit of practicing before we all feel ready to play outside.

I think Puck is starting to spray. Which means that his cutting's gonna come soon. But he's still being such a good boy. I don't really want to, but Dani and I think he will be friendlier and cuddlier. He's not as much of a stomper as he was when he first hit puberty, though. We'll see.

Dani got back home and we headed out to run some errands. We ran over to the Ace hardware in Harvey, where we had rented a U-Haul the day prior. I had tossed Dani's broom behind the seats in the cab when we were heading back and forgot it there. Unfortunately, the U-Haul we used was probably 1000 miles away, as we couldn't find it when we got there. I sent my mom her card (a little late, I know), and we headed on down to the A-Frame to clean.

That was quite a mission, but Dani and I were darn friendly with each other, and she was a great help to me. After it got a bit late, we still weren't quite done, so we'll finish up tomorrow.

We got back, and Dani had the stroke of genius to put some of our boxes in the basement, as we are relatively surrounded with boxes on the ground floor. For some reason I hadn't thought of something so elementary to free us up. Thank God for my woman.

We were both pretty pooped after running around much of the day, so we decided to take our cleaning lackadaisically. We picked up a couple of 40oz brews apiece, and started shipping stuff where it belonged. We got a ton of stuff out of the living room and generally where it belonged or in storage (as Winter has finally left the wild UP, thank God). After a bit we played some cards and drank and smoked a bit, cleaned some more, then tipsily decided to take a walk. It was about 12:30a at this point. We hid the 40s in Dani's bag and off we went. There were quite a few coppers around, which made my girl worry a little bit, but in nearly no time at all we were walking along the beach at Presque Isle. We sat for a moment and enjoyed the view, as there were a couple of stars out.

At Presque, there were a great many felled trees set up in piles on the side of the road. Dani and I took a look, as there were quite a few well-sized logs. We'd been having a bunch of hippy nature talk prior, so that and the beer probably helped our following emotionality. I walked off to look at the logs on my own, and all of a sudden I felt my eyes welling up. Dani and I both spilled some tears over the huge felled beauties.

As we continued walking, we nearly stepped on a herd of deer grazing and bedding down. That was fun. There were deer ALL over the place. After we sat and chatted for a bit, we almost stepped on a lone deer. Seriously, I've never been so close to a deer, and Dani agreed.

We got back home, Dani having finished her second 40. She was a little drunkish, as her every-five-minute-peeing outside indicated, but we crashed out. She was a little hung over the next morning for work, and thusly came back home sick with a migraine.

But that's enough of that. Things are good and happy. Barbecue and possible kegger next weekend for our housewarming.

Now I'm at work counting down seconds.

working hard

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:34:06 GMT

the semester is coming to a close, and that means it's time for me to make a mad dash for the grades. I've been doing alright so far, but I spent a couple weeks being lazy, and thus, am paying the price for it now. Such is life.

Also stressful is the fact that my rabbits reached sexual maturity today. Thus, they are attempting to fuck like rabbits. This is no good, as I do not have the time to devote to a rabbit farm. Also, I was here at work during the enlightenment. Dani was, thankfully. She split up their cage and tells me they're pretty upset. We're both pretty sure Simon is a female. Not only is Puck the only one mounting, Simon is restless, which is normal behavior for a doe that is ready for a buck.

Argh. And now Dani's online, telling me she has to get to work and Puck is behind the cage and not coming out.

Thank God I don't have kids yet. I guess you don't have to worry about sexual maturity for a while, and hopefully not about them having sex with each other, but damn.

Alright, I need to study. Peace.

awkward

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:33:25 GMT

so I just saw Erin in the halls of Gries. Not really a hall, but whatever. I accidentally brought up Leah, accidentally being because they broke up a few weeks ago. Well, turns out they're back together. I felt awkward about it, but it was funny on the whole for me cos Erin was saying she they're back together and they're just trying to spend less time together cos (this is where Leah entered the scene and walked behind Erin so Erin didn't notice) they drove each other crazy.

I got a chuckle out of that. I'm happy if they're happy, of course, but it was just one of those perfect moments.

Anyway.

Sociology is all over my brain. Gender, really. Sociology of gender. How and who would we be without sociology? I'm thrown off by how sexist I can be, toward men and women. I suppose many of us are. "Men are like this, women are like this."

As Danielle and I were stumbling home this Sunday at 5am, a fellow a half-block away hollered out to us, "Hey, girls, I'd like to fuck you!" Or something. It scared Dani. And of course, enraged me. At the same time, it saddened me. I apologized to her, and told her that because she is with me, she will have to worry about that more than if she were with a big man.

Otherwise, I've been contemplating an appropriate response to the harasser. I suppose appropriate depends upon what I would like my response to illicit.

I could get him angrier, and start a fight. That would be awesome, do dismantle his ego and build upon mine. It would be satisfying. That's easily done, as well, by calling him a dickless bastard, a cocksucker, a pussy bitch, whatever.

Or I could attempt to make him question his action. I figure reminding someone of their mother is a good way to do this. Ask him if his parents taught him any manners, or whether he'd talk to his mother like that.

I dunno.

Either way, when I'm walking around, I wonder at the souls of men. Women I know. I can put myself in the shoes of most women. Aside from those who injure their children, or continually consider themselves less... I dunno, I guess the latter gives me great room for error.

Either way, I have a greater tendency to consider men the evil in this world. It's the Knives in me. Some of them, many more than women (in my opinion) are the spiders of the world. Nonetheless, I've generalized far too much. Sure, the people who catcall and injure and maim are usually men. The people who offend me are most often men. But there are many who don't. The two men sitting in this room with me, I certainly believe that they would not engage in such behavior. I'm not sure.

My dad has this idea as well. When he and I had my coming out conversation, he told me that any man would be capable of pulling the trigger at me. That I threaten them because they don't know to relate to me as a man or a woman, that they think I'm invading their territory. Of course, this is bullshit. I know it is. But I suppose there's a living child in me that believes these nightmarish fairy tales. Psh. Who among humans should invoke fear in me? Not any group.

No group, that's for sure. Certain individuals, and certain individuals leading a group in front of me. But no group of individuals.

Their stocky struts, the larger shoes, facial hair and easy muscular growth, and the rigidity of the space in the crotch of their pants, what is my disgust to do with them? I suppose it's mine to own and conquer, a bad habit from childhood. It started with boys telling me I was inferior as a girl, my own father telling me so. But that's theirs to conquer. I should know it's bullshit, and the internalizations, my identifying with the oppressor is a cancer. I should rid myself of that, and my feelings that they are all one and the same.

There are plenty of women to look up to.

On a lighter note, it's 6 months tomorrow.

Spring sweet rhythm, dance in my head
And slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth
Dont be us too shy
For knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you
O please Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together, share this smile
Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Walk with me, walk with you

Hold my hands your hands
So much we have dreamed
And we were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger
A million reasons life to deny
Let's toss them away
See you and me, we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my Lover's side
Together share this smile
Tell those tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down
Oh please, oh please
Lover lay down
Oh please Lover lay down
And you weep Lover lay down
Cause it's over Lover lay down
Say love, say love, say love, say love, say love
Could I love you
Could you love me

Darling, it's all the same
til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Say.......

Alright. Tons of homework coming up. Let's get to't.

-P.S. Fuck you, Dad. Take a gender course.

On a lighter note

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:51:20 GMT

Today was enjoyable. I got to see my community, and that was more fun than I thought it would be.

Though I've been thinking far too much for my own good recently.

Dani and I are moving into a nice two-bedroom on Wilkinson. You are all more than welcome to come and party in our awesome little place. Barring out inability to make rent, in which case you will find us... pft. No idea.

The bunnies are darn cute. They're starting to love me.

I realize that with every relationship

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 22:56:38 GMT

I am challenged in a new way that I've never been challenged before.

For instance, sex.

Didn't sex used to be one of our strong points? Where I was so happy to meet a woman that was sexual?

*sigh*

She and I just aren't used to the same things from our sex.

I'm even too embarassed or something to talk about this. But that's how I feel about the real problems, really. Maybe letting people know makes it more real.

She just has a darn good knack at saying the wrong thing in bed. wtf?

labours to come...

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:19:03 GMT

but it's been so long, so we all deserve a quick update.

Reading your entries has been fun.

Life has been fun.

What's new?

Well, I have a beautiful woman all but living with me. We're ironing out the kinks and that seems to be going... very well, I daresay.

Not that there aren't kinks to iron, but we express, and change occurs. It's almost too good to be true. I'm trying to not be silly and scared.

What /is/ a substitute for baking powder, indeed?

I've quit smoking for the semester. Just for the sake of assuring good grades this semester, and more money in my pockets. Save for a couple of days (4/20 and whenever my friend Laura's birthday is).

My hair has grown. Everyone who sees me for the first in a while points it out, and they seem to like it. Me, well, it's growing on me. Heh. But seriously, I dunno. It looks pretty, and I like the long handle, and my hairs get nice and wavy every once in a while, which I like. It's just more of a pain.

But enough of my vanity. And oh, I am.

I re... what's that word? Moved stuff around in my place. I dig it. Trying to think of a cool and flexible idea for seating. Like large beanbags. There's a beanbag cushion online called the sumo something-or-other. Pretty sweet, but I'm thinking on it.

I miss my mama.

Alright, lots to do!

inspired

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 02:13:01 GMT

I just watched Michael Moore's "Sicko."

Fantastic. Inspired. Tears upon tears upon tears. You all wouldn't believe it was me if you watched "Sicko" or "Farenheit" with me.

Nonetheless, we should watch it.

And afterwards, we should organize a revolution!

Hey! Think the time is right for a palace revolution!
'Cause where I live the game to play is compromise solution!

Super-Rachael dream

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 19:41:24 GMT

I'm in a fascist world. I haven't rebelled yet, but by this time they already have me in the books for causing trouble, I don't quite remember how. Something about trees. Real trees. Or maybe queers. Anyway, cops have chased me. I wonder how much they know about me, where I live, what my voice sounds like, what my face looks like. I assume so. Anyway, I call a friend and quickly ask them to call Mom and tell her I'm okay, and to be careful.

I steal items from fascists to get by, and whatnot. Eventually I end up in some underground organization's hall, and a lot of them are staying on the DL, so I try and convince them that the time is nigh, "we need to band together, look at the hell I'm going through!" I ask if the government has criminalized Jews, yet, and they respond with a simple yes. That news sets me on my knees, cos I'm worried about Mom, and I cry tears tears tears. I try and get a friend to call her, because they'll track my voice.

I call Mom and keep our conversations brief. I find her, and we try to meet up in some little grocery store or something. There are cops around, and I see them using their radar on people's faces. I put my glasses on quickly, wondering whether they have a picture of me with glasses or not. I have a hard time staying calm and walking into the store, especially when their machine recognizes me and some fascist security guard is cued to stand and wait and follow me. He realizes that I've seen him and begins to run for me. I get tazed, but through a door, so I can rip the prongs from my arm. I get tazed again, surrounded by three or four cops, yet after the pain I somehow get my hands on a tazer and taze on cop's chest and another one's crotch. Bummer.

I run outside (which is now my father's old neighborhood) and they've left a cop car on. It's an old one, with manual locks and the windows down. A big beefy vehicle. I hop in on the passenger side and whip the car around just in time so cop's reaching hands do nothing more than lock the driver's door for me. Sweet. I trick them to get the large SWAT bus moving, blocking traffic so they're all effed for chasing me, and peace! (yes, maybe GTA was a little inspiration at this point, but I didn't have GTA POV, nor did I have any gun.)

I whip the car around and head east. I see another cop car, and try to drive sufficiently coppish so he doesn't suspect, then continue on my way. I'm extra wary of drivers on the road, keeping on eye on everyone. At about this point I woke up.

I wish I could remember the beginning, cos that's where I finally decided to rebel against something, and performed some act against the system.

At least part of this was from seeing a cop pull somebody over today in the butteff morning cos there's no drivers on the road, so nobody can speed. Next thing I know, cop's speeding past all of us plebes.

"I am the law." Blegh.

I am a happy camper. Dreams like that make me feel like a big and strong bunny. I doubt I could ignore the sting of a tazer, and big fascist cops would probably just shoot me, anyway. I hope not.

Merry Christmas, all!

I am in love and I am turning 21 in 3 (1, 2, 3!) days!

Also, Guitar Hero is THE SHIT! I hope they make it so you can just upload certain songs to the game, soon. Why the hell they don't have "Sweet Home Alabama," is beyond me.

Man, I wish to toke.

I am watching CSPAN

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 12:24:44 GMT

and while it is hard to not want to listen to music, I am happy to be catching up on my politics. I personally cannot wait for the primaries. Kucinich seems to be getting little headway, but something is something. But gosh, when people tell me they won't vote Kucinich because there is "no way he'll win," it just makes me wonder why the fuck we even have primaries. Anyway, it's not like this country is /filled/ with conservatives. Right?

*sigh*

I suppose a woman in office wouldn't be too bad.

*sigh*

Perhaps I should start praying for Kucinich. Heck, I know what all my wishes are going to be for the next year.

On a lighter note, Bush leaves office in 13 months! Who wants to party the fuck down?